… The Power of Domination!!

With so much already being written and spoken about the horror of the Delhi gang-rape incident (one of so very many), it still never fails to send chills up my spine. That on one hand, and several men beating up their women every given day – is male domination really undergoing some severe harassment?

Confused about the point I am trying to make? I’ll detail it – The rapists primarily were the kind who, in their villages, and societies have seen, and are used to men control their women, habituated to teaching the ladies a lesson per their whims and fancies, and constantly establishing their power (despite being unemployed, clearly not bread-earners sometimes, and/or drunkards). Not being as physically strong as their husbands/lovers/fathers/brothers/male in-laws, these women have allowed (and continue to let) men call the shots.
Now, imagine such a man who is already used to being the supremo in his territory, come to a city; any city where women are trying to be “equals” and “better”, where women have a voice, and sometimes even sandals to beat up a man or two. He must get yelled at by school children’s mums for arriving late on a particular day, or for not having cleaned his bus; the school teacher must have raised her voice at him for driving rashly perhaps. Think like this man now, and you shall know that his ego must hurt; it must pain, and die every day, and how his anger must well up every time women (and men alike) yelled at him and put him down. Get this man drunk, empower him with 5 other equally frustrated men, and you have the “mental” getting pissed at a girl who resisted his advances, yelled and probably swore back at him. He had the madness, the anger, and the weapon to establish who the boss is……

It’s not just one man’s ego; its most men in our country. The root is not this one man’s back-ground. The root is our culture. We are taught to listen to our father ‘coz he may just get angry and beat us up, we are taught to be scared that he will throw mum and us out of “his” house. Our brother has all the right to slap us if he sees us talk to a boy in class, or read our sms that sounded flirtatious to him. Our husbands can demand that glass of water, and we the slaves are supposed to cater to his needs and wants. So many mothers tell their young daughters “abhi pati ke ghar se wapas mat aana. Nibha lena”.
Really? Settle? Settle for shit? Get beaten up? Feel dependent and weak?

My point is – after years of living like that, the “equal” human being in us woke up, and women started empowering themselves. And you know what that kind of empowerment does right? It teaches you to fight back, ask for explanations, demand logical reasons – in short REBEL for a cause.
American women can do it my friend. They come from cultures where men “believe” in them and their equality. Indian women CANNOT. ‘Coz Indian men won’t LET them! Their ego gets harassed.

My mum actually warns me – she says I must not argue with the rickshaw-wala for a few bucks if his meter is tampered and I am being over-charged. Why, I ask her. You know what her response is – she says he may just attack you when you are alone. What if I am thrown acid at? What if I am raped? What if he follows me and molests me? She simple says – woh mard hain, and ye saare neechi aur anpad society ka hissa bhi hai – ye kuch bhi kar sakte hai.

Now I understand it. Now I think it is after all, possible. Now I’m not so sure if I must argue. Must I give in to whatever the men around me tell - be it my father, my brother, my uncle, my boss, the rickshaw-wala, the dhobi or the chaprasi?

Why don’t I feel safe? Why don’t I confidently tell her there is no chance anyone can harm me? Is it that security and police are an issue? Or is it the fact that most sections of society in my country are not even educated?

Who I am, what I do, how much money I make, how educated I am, is not significant? Significant is that I must not harass the male ego? Do I have to let them think they win? And that I lose, and bow to their supremacy? Let them know they have the power to dominate over me? And since my country is called “MOTHER” India, and she is a woman too, may I comfortably add that she has lost this battle too??

Everyone says “we need to make a change!”

How, I ask? What are we proposing?

I hope to have lovely children someday, bring them into a free, and joyous world. I want to teach them well, and let my daughter wear what she may like, and my son be able to fall in love with a wonderful free-thinking woman. I envision a beautiful, happy, safe world for my children, where they can enjoy their lives, smile some, and definitely take “safety” for granted. I want a world like that, where my kids respect certain men and women only because they deserve it, not because they demand it.

Cannot help but wonder – is safety such a big thing to ask for?